Sunday, July 23, 2006

How IKEA ruined my weekend.....

OK - well as some of you know, my wife forced me to go with her to IKEA to buy a new wardrobe thingy (called a PAX since IKEA doesn’t name anything the way it make sense... ). So Friday night at 7 PM we left to drive to Costa Mesa (about 30 minutes away) to buy this thing. Now mind you we had our eye on this for more then a year... We just have been waiting to get the house to a point where we felt comfortable buying it. So off we go. Since I was with the wife and since IKEA is designed to make you walk through the ENTIRE fricken store before they let you escape, we were there until about 10 PM. So 3 hours and $450.00 later I am loading 9 foot long boxes that weigh about 300 pound in through the back window of my Hyundai.. We get home at about 10:30 or so and Laura decides that after a year of waiting for this wardrobe that she just can not wait one more night for the wardrobe to be assembled.... OH MY.... Now - here in California, where it is supposed to be 70 degrees year round, we are in the heat wave of the century, like many of you... So for the next 2 hours in a 90 degree house I am try to put this thing together with the instructions they give you with the fat pear shaped guy who visually walks you through with no written instructions... I don’t like that little fat man!!! At about 12:30 AM we have all the drawers assembled and the main structure of the corner unit assembled. I have drunk about 3 gallons of water, and then sweat it all out, and am just about wiped out.. We have all the pieces of our bedroom on our bed and in the surrounding area, to clear space for the wardrobe unit (which did I mention is 8 feet tall) to be assembled. So I tell Laura - "OK, help me stand this thing up." Now - if I were in a movie, I would have paused right there, rewound and spent just another few minutes giving that statement a little more thought. Of course I did not have that option. So we go to lift this thing up, neither of us coherent enough at this point to realize that I had forgotten to put the cardboard backing on the unit. So, let’s spend a moment discussing this cardboard backing. Here is a piece of furniture that weighs about 200 pounds (with out all the accoutrements) and apparently this flimsy, folded, molded, and veneered piece of cardboard is the vital lynchpin to keep the whole unit together. But I digress. We go to lift it up and about half way to being in a standing position the whole thing flattens out and pieces of pressed wood go flying in all directions. The unit is COMPLETELY ruined and beyond salvaging. LONG LONG LONG pause and Laura looks at the unit and then at me and her face reads like I have just broken all the legs of her puppy right in front of her. At this point, I used all the words that my mother used to stick a bar of soap in my mouth for using in the past, and decided that that was a good time to call it a night and go to bed. Of course, as you read earlier, all the pieces of our bedroom are on our bed and in the surrounding area.... So where to sleep? We could have just moved everything, but at this point the only thing that we wanted to do was kill that little fat man from the instruction booklet.... So Laura slept on the couch and I slept in the recliner... Well slept is a subjective word at this point. I laid there a few hours falling in and out of consciousness. Saturday Morning.... As I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing for the second time. It is 7 AM and I have not slept at all. I am not 20 minutes late for a meeting and the phone is likely the person that I am supposed to be meeting with. I let it go to voicemail since I am not sure the sound of me waking up will add to this person’s mood at this point. So I deal with my business in the morning and that afternoon figure I need to have a plan on how to deal with this mess... FORTUNATELY, IKEA has a wonderful return policy and since we have all blamed the little fat man from the directions they tell me to bring the unit back and they will happily exchange it for a new, none destroyed one. So at 2 PM I am off to IKEA again, with a 9 foot long shredded box filled with destroyed pressed pine, which sticks out the back window about 3 feet.. Return process is rather uneventful, although there are A LOT of people who have decided they didn’t like their IKEA purchase, so I am there for at least an hour. When I go to load my new non-destroyed unit into the car, the helpful IKEA fellow that helped me load up, who didn't look anything like the little fat man from the directions, tells me that maybe I should attach a flag on it since it sticks out so far.. After three trips with these things in my car, I tell him, as politely as possible, that this will be fine as is. So, Saturday afternoon at 4 PM I roll home again to start this whole nightmare process over again. Fortunately this time, I ignore the fat little man and his clearly sub par advice, and just build the unit as logic would dictate. Two hours, 3 gallons of sweat, and more curse words then I want to admit too, we have the frame of our new corner wardrobe unit up and standing proudly in our bedroom. Now, we just need to install the drawers, shelves, and clothes rods and the corner piece and we are all set.... Due to my need for beer at this point and our prearranged dinner plans, we decide that can wait till Sunday. Sunday Morning.... Since I didn’t sleep well on Friday night, and Saturday night I was up late drinking beer, and watching the lightening out over the pacific ocean on the balcony of the Belmont brewing company, I was more then willing to sleep in this morning..... My wife had other plans.. Still bubbling over from excitement, she has decided to wake up early and attempt to install the drawers herself.... So for the rest of today, I have been moving furniture, installing lights, drawers, shelves, and other such sundries. Now... I have 6 empty Guinness bottles next to me, and wife who is still Giddy as she organizes all her clothes and makes a new list for what she needs at IKEA.... So help me if that little fat man shows up, he may not make it.

4 Comments:

At 7/25/2006 06:23:00 AM, Blogger Wicked Witch said...

I love Ikea but sometimes, I realize that I got what I paid for. I love a very featherly pillow they make. But, we have had two explode open while sleeping. Grrrr.

 
At 7/29/2006 07:55:00 AM, Blogger K. said...

You are a good, good husband. Mmmmhmmm, you are.

 
At 7/30/2006 10:07:00 AM, Blogger Joannah said...

Just discovered your blog. We're practically neighbors - I'm in LB. We have the same DTC, but your LID is before mine. How did that happen? LOL!

 
At 8/27/2006 02:10:00 AM, Blogger Patti and Robert said...

Too funny. I also just found your blog. We did not have Ikea in GA/KY, but I was familar with it from visiting my brother in Seattle. We have a love/hate relationship with it here. I too think you are a good husband. Will enjoy following your journey to China!
Patti and Robert

 

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